Booyah Blog

Thanksgiving= being a lazy piece of garbage
I did nothing constructive or productive at all except sleep, eat, play video games, and see the spongebob squarepants movie with my little brothers and sister.
My life is so lazy right now. I feel like Proverbs 19:24 is the verse of my life: "The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he will not even bring it back to his mouth!" I feel like even when I'm doing something here at school, it's still the most boring thing ever. Life just seems boring to me right now. Is it because I'm "stuck" here? Is it because I'm not satisfied with what I have? A fellow student died in a car accident this weekend. I'm still in a state of unbelief. How much time do we have? None. People say that I should finish my college education, because I only have one year left. One year!?!? That's a long time! I could die by then! I could go across the world and love the poor for a year!
FAITH. I say I have it, but do I? After being through so much garbage for so many years, I been accustomed to being okay with God not doing miracles. My mom tells me, "God's going to cure your disease Ryan." and you know what I say, "No He's not. What purpose would doing that do? It's permanent." What is my problem? I'll be honest, going through years of life with a constant physical pain can make it almost impossible to believe in miracles. I'm not saying I didn't believe in God. I'm saying I believed that I felt God was doing it for a reason and that I should just except that I'm the receiver of this "punishment." That can get you down. But, you got to suck it up and look at the good. Why? "When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever" Proverbs 10:25. I am priviledged. I am not being punished, but maybe I'm being tested. Many have been tested and gave up. That was the end. Satan said, "I win." But, no, not this freaking time. A bad day, a bad month, a bad year, not even a bad life will ever make me say, " Jesus Christ is absolute answer to everything". So if Satan still thinks he has a chance to break my spirit, bring it! I'm not here to mess around! I'm a tool ready, willing, and able to be used by God. And if I need to be put in the furnace like shadrack, mishack, and abendago, to do so, let's go. GOD'S ONLY QUESTION IS, Do you want your heart to be medium or well-done!?!?
SHALOM.

Here's me.

Who am I?? Really, it's been something I've been trying to answer all of my life. I know that I a man trying to please God to the most that I am capable, which is never very much. But, aside from that, how would I "describe" myself? Charisma is one thing I have. Why is that though? Maybe because of the other "traits" I have...
I am outgoing. I force myself to be. That's what people want. The jokester. The funny man. I step up to the plate of entertainment when no one else will. I know how to fill that "awkward" silence. I know what it's like to be the one that wants the attention and I know what it's like to want the attention taken away from myself. I am scared and I am capable of giving others reason to not be.
I am shy and introverted. Silence is not "awkward" to me. I could sit for hours in front of you without saying a word. I love to listen to you, your life, and your heart. I know what it is to want love so bad that death would seem better a solution than this waiting in this life. I know what it is to want to be listened to and compassioned for.

I am one thing on the outside and I am one thing on the inside. I am real.
I hope I am a "love thumper" and I hope that I thump you with love as much as I can.
I am a "little king" with emphasis on "little". I am DeWalt. I am a tool. I am something used. I am the "second chance" friend-- the one needed when no one else is there to be a friend. I am okay with that. I am passionate about opening your heart beyond your control rather than making myself great, acknowledged, or popular. I am sick. I am lazy. I am an American. I am greedy. I am a constant reminder to myself of all those who are dying in their hearts. I am not perfect. I am a loner. I am all together. I am not quite there. I am poor. I am rich. I am dirt. I am nothing. I am the epitome of potential and mediocre.
I know a lot less than most books teach but I know a lot more than you may know about yourself. I am wise, but not applicable or articulate. I am crazy, confused, and confusing. I am okay with that.
I am dark gray, because you can't be seen in order to sneak up on life and love. What does that mean? Only me and God know, that is unless you get to know me or God tells you, whichever comes first.
Shalom.

Dear Mr. Criticizer R.D.

Maybe I get very lonely and like to write blogs to fullfill all of my insecurities. Maybe I need to pretend that thousands of people are actually going to care about my opinion. So step off. Just cuz you're tool cool to write blogs regularly...psshhtt...
ANYWAYS...
I'm falling apart dude! Not only the crohns, the seizure disorder, and the pleuritis in my ribs, but now I have a friggin' hernea (sp?)!! What else is going to go wrong with me?
ANYWAYS...
Christopher Lloyd is a friggin' jerk.
ANYWAYS...
I got to visit some homeless shelters this past saturday. It was awesome. I felt so comfortable. I think I could easily be a homeless person. I look like one and I mooch like crazy, all I need now are the clothes, or lack-there-of. It was so fun though. I hope we can start a group of AU students going downtown Indy on a regular basis and doing some classic ministry.
Also, I went to the mercy house yesterday morning, and Matt Conner really spoke truth into my life about using my heart. I feel like no matter what's going on, he mentions some problem that is currently in my life everyweek...What a coinkydink...
well...i'm blabbling....
Shalom.

love the way it needs to be

talked to three girls tonight (whose names i won't mention)...but i realized something great.
we're wanting and expecting of someone else before we're wanting and expecting of ourselves. don't ask me to explain this in a journal (unless you like reading blabling stupidity). We need to ask, "Who am i?" and, "Who does God want me to be?" And after those are answered, we can ask, "Who does God want for me?" Which will already be answered by the first two.
Now, i'm not that smart, but this stuff is good, right? If you don't think so, give me at least a week before you shoot me down. I have had burdens lifted off my heart and i am on cloud nine.

P.S. Do my journals suck? Or do i write too often? Cuz i looked at nick best's blog, and everyone is commenting to him. I'm sorta jealous...i need attention. It's who i am. (not really...but seriously i love when people look at me and laugh at my jokes....just kidding, i only live for an audience of three-- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit... just kidding, it's Nick best, God, and Ben Christofis...not really, it's just God... but i wish you would comment....it's okay, you don't have to...but, seriously, if you don't do it, my loneliness will build up so much that i will cry myself to sleep)

"Why do I procrastinate so stinkin' much?" Well, if you say it that way, it sounds horrible. This is the way I see it (so hold on to yer britches lil' lady)... I prioritize. What's more important? Really, what is more important? Some paper, that I don't have a flip in the world to discuss, or regurgitate for that matter. How about an in depth conversation about the thing I care most about?? Or how about reading the wisest book in the world? How about talking to God? Maybe just a little more important... Although I admit that I puposefully delay doing things, because I work a lot better underpressure, but half the time, I'm just delaying something that's not worth doing and that I'm doing for the "grade".
Anyways....Here's the Top Ten Hottest single guys out there....
1. Ben Christofis-- this kid is sizzling!! The shy, quiet, yet funny, humurous type. Look out ladies!!
2. Mac Sidey-- strong in Christ and confident in response... You need to submit if you want this 85Golf-driving stud though.
3. Nick Best-- He's a RD!! Aka he's got a crap load of money!! (and he's got a sweet iPod)
4. Chris Schumerth-- The white guy afro... i just leave it at that...
5. Chris Lloyd-- Du du du doo duh doo ( the theme song to Mario Bros.)... This hunk's looking to power up love to another level.
6. Adam Fennrick-- With a man this pretty, you will always be able to be humble about your good looks...besides....he sleeps in the fetal position.
7. Kyle Costlow-- He'll not only steal your music off of iTunes, but he'll steal your heart too.
8. Me-- I'm dying. Aka short-term commitment.
9. Chris Hunt-- Who wouldn't want to fall in love with somebody famous?? (He's the guy off of the 7up commercials)
10. Grizzly Adams-- man, that beard. Just latch on to that sucker and pucker up!

Becca and Witney are climbing the charts of the most crazy girls I've come in contact with!!

Dear friend,
You have thought that I don't understand you, but more than you'll ever know. In the mass confusing of life, love, and happiness that the world tells us to look for, you've felt that I have not met up to the standards. I tell you I live up to different expectations of life, love, and happiness. To me they can be achieved by what the world says is just being "friends." But, to me, I mean getting to know you for the person I know you are. The amazing person with a huge heart and awesome personality. So, let's be expectant of loving God first and foremost, then developing an awesome friendship.... Sound good friend? I hope it does.
Love in Him,
Shalom.

I think I've lost a friend today

I have noticed this running trend of my life... whenever someone gets to know me, they realize how annoying I am. You may say, "Oh Ryan, you're a good friend to others." Well, you just wait. I haven't had enough time to screw it all up. I am incapable of anything else. I apologize to all of you.

Don't You Tell Me What Love Is!!

It seems that lately (and always) everyone is focused on love. That wouldn't be so bad if it was the right kind of love. The "love" everyone is focused on is this attraction between a man and a woman. All I can recall hearing throughout the day is stuff about future spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, and then they attempt to suck me into in by saying, "who do you like?" I'm not telling you because you'll blow it into something I don't want (it's not on purpose or their fault; but that's the way the word of mouth works). If I like someone enough, I will tell them. There's this whole expectancy of the world to get married and that God has some soul mate for you. DON'T PLAY THE GOD CARD. Did you ever think that God may want you to be single the rest of you life??? I know it's not a warm, fuzzy idea, but following God is not warm and fuzzy. I'm sorry I sound upset, but this is something that needs to be addressed. Focus on the real love-- God. Everything will then come into place, He will comfort your heart and show you what true love is and feels like and entails. Then, if your lucky, He'll put the right bait on your pole so that fish in the sea comes to you; don't jump right in and start looking for it.
Shalom. Out.

Following God's will, is like riding a bicycle... You don't learn to do it by studying it and knowing everything about the physics and mechanics of it. You learn how to do it by trying, trying, trying, and, eventually, it just becomes second nature.

Here? There? Where?

Well, a lot has been going on. Either that, or I'm just stressing out a lot and making it seem that way. My heart mos def feels incomplete. And maybe that's what will/should be the deciding factor if I stay here at school. I hope that I'm not being self-centered because I don't have an "action packed" life. I truly do feel incomplete in my struggle to work out the glory of God. I know that I'm "making a difference as being an R.A. and stuff", but in all honesty, would I be making a bigger difference if I discipled those who know Christ already so that they could do the same, or if I discipled those who are totally lost? Who can do what I'm doing now? Many can. Who will do what no one wants and go out to the poor and love them fully? I must. What would I do if I left? I don't exactly know, but I think that's what stirs my heart even more-- not knowing the future; just relying on God.
Shalom.

Geeze oh pete, am i out of control or what?!!?! I took a little visit to Melissa W. and Kirsten S.'s room and had a TON of sweettarts, then i had a sugar coma, then rose from the dead, then began taking everything i could find in the room and throwing it on Kirsten while she was laying on the ground!! then i ran outside, around the building and yelled in the window-- scaring the jeepers out of them! hahahaha!! then i preceeding to sprint over to Nick Best's apartment and run in his room while he was on the computer. In pure fear, he turned around with eyes beaming open and screamed like a girl!!! ahhahhahahaa...i laughed so hard i couldn't breathe!! good times...now i'm hungry....somebody take me to Burger King...

Well, well...

So this is my second writing...i figured i might as well be current with these stinkin' things, cuz no one likes going on a site and seeing something from the 1920's (unless they're into the Jazz age or history or something).... You probably wanna know what's going on in mi vida, huh? well, school has been wooping my tail and i could have cared less for the past so many months... i know i should care, but it's just so hard when you know that there are so many people outside of this college that are totally lost and are just screaming out, "WHO CAN HELP ME?" And, instead of giving them the answer, i'm being selfish and saying, "How can I be blessed more?" when God has already blessed me so much, that i'm bursting out of the seams with the stuff because i need to bless others with it... Why can't choices be easy? Why can't life be easy? Because Faith and Love need to be proven valuable.
Shalom

P.S. Eat a sandwhich with a spoon. Think about it.

Today

Follow the white rabbit.... you have been officially sucked in the world of Ryan DeWalt!
Hold on and buckle up little missy....