The beats in my ears meat the words on my heart.

Now listening to: Gym Class Heroes

So, after tonight,
i feel, i feel, i feel.
i ask myself,
"Self, is this real?"
Cuz that's what you call yourself
when you're talking to yourself.
i feel affirmation, just after a simple convosay
what something i heard, something i'd say?
The same things said again and again,
what is following God, what is the world, and what is sin?
No answers this time, no, no, no.
Just affirmation that hits the mind and soul, soul, soul,
like an ill-produced rhyme, oh, oh, oh.
A couple of friends, couple cups of joes,
through down two- fifty,
get some hot biscuits and gravy,
and stuff 'em down our estomagos.
Little did i know, know, know,
that this miniscule night was the right night to grow, grow, grow.
Fertilizer be the friends i consider fam,
and my water be the clock cruising past 3 a.m.
If only you could hear the beat,
to these lyrics i'm throwing down,
if only you could hear the beat,
of my heart that ain't slowing down.
But, i the only oppurtinty i got
is this crappy poem,
to take all the cards out my sleeve
and show 'em.

shalom.

Now contemplating: Irristible Revolution by Shane Claiborne
Now listening to: "As Far as the Eye Can See" by People in Planes

I'll have to sell my soul to you and that's just to pay for its renewal...

As i approach time and time again, i never come to the time where light is shed in my mind.

I'm losing control... Falling by the wayside...

As i leave a conversation and thousands more, i only hear the passion that spurs on anger. Not the passion of hope. i try not to let myself lose hope.

I'm losing control... Falling by the wayside...

As i lead my eyes across the pages, i let my heart open, so that it may bleed to its Creator. Truth belts out melodies of pain, wretchedness, love, and beauty. Tears of wretchedness make me feel disgusted and unworthy-- hiding as if ashamed like Adam. Tears of beauty make me feel loved until i can't be loved anymore and then some-- like the woman who had very little to give.

I'm losing contol... Falling by the wayside...

This morning sun is jumping to the clouds faster and faster. Not to remind me of how ugly my life was without it, but to remind me of the hope of a beautiful life in the present.

shalom.

And Creation Proclaims Praises.

Now listening to: the silent buzz in the air and the crackle under my feet

It's been a long time. It sure has and we both know it. What have you been up to? What have i been up to? Not much. That answer is probably the same for you (whether you're being honest or not).

i mean, i say, "not much," but that the answer i give to those who seem not to care or don't have the time to listen. If you're listening now, i would tell you this:

i'm sitting here at the illuminated computer screen wondering where the time has fallen. This is not to say, "wow, how time flies!" but to say, "oh man, time gets wasted somewhere in between..."

Wake up around noon every "morning", then proceed to lay in my bed as if i were paralyzed. How lazy. It is hard making myself believe that i have the power to change the world, especially when i can't even change the 100 ft. Radius around me. Stuff my greed of a hunger that tells me, "Eat while you can. You may never eat again." i always eat again. Don't lie to me, stomach. Lurk towards the computer to see who has sent ME some sort of message, without ever sending them one in return, or first. Feed an ego, starve a friendship. Read some sort of new, revolutionary book that tells me life is simple and, yet, so hard. Am i living that? Nope. How do i? Hmmm... Play the rest of the day like an album track on repeat. Talk about the latest idea i've had about why i'm so bitter about someone not doing enough with THEIR life (while secretly making excuses for mine).

Minutes. Hours. Days go by. Travel to Tennessee, jump 14 feet into a lake, stumble in the darkness, pray in fear, dream during slumber, visit a wedding, spend the wee hours talking of the most important things in life, take a ride to Michigan, meet new people, have a 22nd birthday, twirl my hair, sit in silence, spend endless hours in restaurants, sip on coffee, strum the guitar, stress about 30,000 dollars worth of loans, yearn to be homeless, confess fears to a beautiful girl, aspire to run after God and people, watch the clock click to 4 a.m., fall asleep on the floor to the birds who greet the morning again and again and again...

shalom