Aside: sorry i was getting slammed with spam comments, so now you have to have a google account to comment. hopefully it will get better.
I think- nay- I react most of the time to what people say to me.
I seem to wait for loved ones to hurt me, then I hurt them back or make them feel bad for saying something so desolate and mean to me.
Yet, when I say mean things to other people (which I do a lot), I say, "Sorry, I'm kind of blunt," or, "kind of mean," or, "just being honest," or, "just kidding."
I've lost the emotional invovlement in a conversation.
I have turned talking into a battle where I am surrounded by the walls of my castle waiting to defend every attack.
I have become so self-involved that I cannot imagine someone with hurt feelings.
I only imagine myself with hurt feelings.
Disconnection. Isolation.
I have only supported my bad habits out of fear, out of disatisfaction with my life, or because I just didn't care. All extremely bad excuses.
Don't worry. I've got some extremely intelligent and profound excuses, as well.
I can tell you why I haven't traveled...Why I haven't gone to church... Why I haven't clean my living room. Why I haven't been healthy... Why I haven't acted unselfish and loving to the ones close to my heart...
None of these excuse are because I don't want to. I want to do all of these and a lot more things.
I only procrastinate or worry of the wrong in life. I only feel sorry for myself.
One thing my mother taught me, when I was young, about myself was that I always acted like a martyr. Like I was always being punished, made fun of, insulted, pursecuted, etc.
Note: It's sounds harsh. But, it has helped me more and more everyday of my life to hear that.
Humbleness is not earned. It is taught.
Will I ever give up excuses?
I would like to say "yes."
But I always think that.
"With every passing moment, there is a chance to turn it all around."
I can be who I want.
You can be who you want.
Nobody is out to get us.
People are broken and they will hurt us.
It plausible that someone f---s up. Not because they are a bad person, but because the worst comes out a lot easier than the best.
I have hope.
For me. For you. For the ignorant rascist with a good work ethic, I come in contact with 3 days a week. For the lazy back stabber, that works 4 jobs to feed her family. For the alcoholic who would give the shirt off of his back for you . For the homeless guy searching for food in the garbage when he could just ask for money with more ease. For the verbally abusive apologizer. For the materialistic saint.
My hope is not logical.
I don't believe hope has to be.
That's why I hope.
shalom shalom.
I think- nay- I react most of the time to what people say to me.
I seem to wait for loved ones to hurt me, then I hurt them back or make them feel bad for saying something so desolate and mean to me.
Yet, when I say mean things to other people (which I do a lot), I say, "Sorry, I'm kind of blunt," or, "kind of mean," or, "just being honest," or, "just kidding."
I've lost the emotional invovlement in a conversation.
I have turned talking into a battle where I am surrounded by the walls of my castle waiting to defend every attack.
I have become so self-involved that I cannot imagine someone with hurt feelings.
I only imagine myself with hurt feelings.
Disconnection. Isolation.
I have only supported my bad habits out of fear, out of disatisfaction with my life, or because I just didn't care. All extremely bad excuses.
Don't worry. I've got some extremely intelligent and profound excuses, as well.
I can tell you why I haven't traveled...Why I haven't gone to church... Why I haven't clean my living room. Why I haven't been healthy... Why I haven't acted unselfish and loving to the ones close to my heart...
None of these excuse are because I don't want to. I want to do all of these and a lot more things.
I only procrastinate or worry of the wrong in life. I only feel sorry for myself.
One thing my mother taught me, when I was young, about myself was that I always acted like a martyr. Like I was always being punished, made fun of, insulted, pursecuted, etc.
Note: It's sounds harsh. But, it has helped me more and more everyday of my life to hear that.
Humbleness is not earned. It is taught.
Will I ever give up excuses?
I would like to say "yes."
But I always think that.
"With every passing moment, there is a chance to turn it all around."
I can be who I want.
You can be who you want.
Nobody is out to get us.
People are broken and they will hurt us.
It plausible that someone f---s up. Not because they are a bad person, but because the worst comes out a lot easier than the best.
I have hope.
For me. For you. For the ignorant rascist with a good work ethic, I come in contact with 3 days a week. For the lazy back stabber, that works 4 jobs to feed her family. For the alcoholic who would give the shirt off of his back for you . For the homeless guy searching for food in the garbage when he could just ask for money with more ease. For the verbally abusive apologizer. For the materialistic saint.
My hope is not logical.
I don't believe hope has to be.
That's why I hope.
shalom shalom.
