Distant Friend

I caught you spying on me.
It was quite obvious to see you outside of my window.
Spoken to like a out-of-touch friend,
I merely say that I miss spending time together.
In all actuality, I would rather slumber.
"We should hang out soon," I say.
And, you wait.
Outside like a neighbor boy loitering on the front porch.
I step out for a few minutes and don't acknowledge you.
Your sadness makes you cloud up and cry millions of tears.
Your tears make me angry and depressed.
"Why can't you be a little more sunny?"
You only cry more over my disappointment.
When you do cheer up, I am occupied with dreams,
And only start to wake when you set to sleep.
My disappointment is in myself,
because I want to be close when you're here.
You're going places.
I'm going nowhere.
Maybe you'll pass over this way tomorrow.
I sure hope so.
My day will be much brighter and fun.
Because life is too dark without you: the sun.

shalom.

Hardly more than blank right now...

now listening to: sufjan stevens

I just don't know what to write. I just don't know what to think.
Things have been so simple. Things have been so frustrating.
No joy to read, no joy to write, no joy to sing.
Hardly more than a blank slate of life.

Can I break free?
You may say I may.
But, will I ever believe?
I don't want to answer that.
Oh, I don't want to honestly answer that.



This will have to substitute the lack of description in my brain.
Even if it has nothing to do with my daily thoughts.
It's a good song.
shalom.

Earth Hour Today!

Today Earth Hour Will Take Place At 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Please take time to shut off (and maybe even unplug everything) in your house. This is a global event and the results can be enormous if everyone just takes one hour to help conserve energy.
It's not even close to a big sacrifice, if you think about it.
It's just considerate.


shalom.

A. reMINDer

Now listening to: Small Leaks Sink Ships
(How fancy! A link to what I'm listening to!)

I remember being a measly eighteen-year-old kid. (Yes, all eighteen-year-olds are measly kids.) I thought I was the bee's knees (I have no idea what that means). I recall a specific philosophy class during my freshman year, where the students had an argument with two sides: freshmen point of view versus upper-classmen point of view. At the end of class an upper-classmen approached me and my friend and said, "I see how you guys think you're right. I was once like that too, but it will change after your freshman year."

Why the hell would anyone say that? That is so pious and snobby to say to someone. It basically translate to: "I understand you want to be passionate about things you think you know are right, but when you get older, you will lose passion for specific things and just agree with everyone." At least, that's how I translated it. I also translated it: "Stupid Freshmen," but for the sake of the commentator, I will try to assume he meant well.

It made the phrase, "Let's just agree to disagree," one of the most hated phrases I know.

I don't think that certain upper-classman realizes how much he affected my life by his statement.

When life goes on and I get lazy, I always think to myself, "Don't grow old and become a statistical pattern of giving up. That's what the system wants."

I don't think growing old is bad. I look forward to it. I just don't think growing old should be a statistical process.

And, I don't really know what the system is fully, but I know what the system wants.

Failure.

I don't know what is considered failure and what isn't, because sometimes failure is better than not trying to live out what you deem necessary and honoring. I think of failure is more of a long-term thing where you get to the pearly gates and you just think, "Why didn't I live like I had life?"

This is not as easy as it seems. Life has its responsibilities. Sometimes they are financial responsibilities (most of the time, if you're an American), sometimes they are relational responsibilities, sometimes they are social/ethical responsibilities, and sometimes they are responsibilities of the heart or from God (Good luck discerning those). Responsibilities can really suck the fun out of life, but they also have the possibility to be the diamonds in the rough. It's all how it's viewed. And, sometimes you need to just give responsibilities the finger and live. (Good luck discerning those)

But, I'm sure you know all of this.

This is just a reminder,
for myself,
and you...
if you need it.

shalom.

i like a girl.

Patriotics Beware, You will not like this.

now listening to: Brother Ali a.k.a. The Truth

I know I hate when someone just makes their blog a whole song quote, but I had to.
I was listening to this song and just thought it was a good analogy to the U.S.
I don't hate the people that make up the United States. I love them.
But sometimes I can't help to feel like there's something wrong here.
So, here ya go (sorry if you're offended):

Smoke and mirrors, stripes and stars
Stolen for the cross in the name of God
Bloodshed, genocide, rape and fraud
Written to the pages of the law, good Lord
The Cold Continent latch key child
Ran away one day and started acting foul
King of where the wild things are; daddy's proud
Cuz the Roman Empire done passed it down
Imported and tortured a work force
and never healed the wounds or shook the curse off
Now the grown up Goliath nation
Holdin open auditions for the part of David, can you feel it?
Nothing can save ya,
You question the reign
You get rushed in and chained up
Fist raised but I must be insane
Cuz I can't figure a single ... way to change it

Welcome to the United Snakes
Land of the thief home of the slave
The grand imperial guard where the dollar is sacred
And power is god...

All must bow to the fat and lazy
The ... you obey me and why do they hate me
Only two generations away
From the world's most despicable slavery trade
Pioneered so many ways to degrade a human being
that it can't be changed to this day
Legacy so ingrained in the way
that we think we no longer need chains to be slaves
Lord, it's a shameful display
The overseers even got raped along the way
Cause the children can't escape from the pain
and they're born with poisoness hatred in their veins
Try and separate a man from his soul
you only strengthen him and lose your own
But shoot that ... if he walk near the throne
Remind him that this is my home

Welcome to the United Snakes
Land of the thief, home of the slave
The grand imperial guard where the dollar is sacred
And power is god...

You don't give money to the bums
on a corner with a sign, bleeding from their gums
Talking about you don't support a crackhead
What you think happens to the money from your taxes?
... the governments an addict
With a billion dollar a week kill brown people habit
And even if you aint on the front line,
when massah yell crunch time, you right back at it
Plain look at how you hustling backwards
At the end of the year add up what they subtracted
Three outta twelve months your salary pays for that madness
Man, that's savage
What's left get a big ... plasma
To see where they made Dan Rather point the damn camera
Only approved questions get answered
Now stand your ass up for that national anthem

Welcome to the United Snakes
Land of the thief, home of the slave
The grand imperial guard where the dollar is sacred
And power is god

(You're so low)
Custom made (You're so low)
To consume the noose (You're so low)
Keep saying we're free (You're so low)
But we're all just blue (You're so low)

shalom.

Me

I have ideas

From:

http://explodingdog.com/title/ihaveideas.html

shalom.

The Colorist Holiday

now listening to: Hot Chip

Part 1


St. Patti's Day.
I am too poor to buy a green shirt.
There is no need to pinch me.
I utterly despise being pinched.
Unless you have a reasonable,
moral conviction for me not wearing green,
Don't pinch me.
And I won't punch you in the face.
Deal?


---
Part 2

Why should green be so special
and have a day dedicated to its color?
We don't have days for the other colors.
St. Patti's Day is a beginning to racism.
It is because of this day
that kids started snapping the brown
in their box of crayons.
Soon,
they'll start snapping all of the colors
and the crayon companies
will simply sell boxes of crayons
with 40 shades of green in them.
Preposterous!


shalom.

P.S. I don't hate St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't have an obsession with green,
And would like not to be scrutinized or mamed for it.

Maybe

now listening to: John Butler

Maybe it's because Leah is leaving for Indiana.
Maybe it's because depression is genetic.
Maybe it's because life is waiting.
Maybe it's because my search for the Messiah is hazy.
Maybe it's because my search for the Messiah is lazy.
Maybe it's because I don't have a job.
Maybe it's because time has phases.
Maybe it's because I'm greedy.
Maybe it's because we're all lost.
Maybe it's because I just think I'm lost.
Maybe it's because grad school seems a waste.
Maybe it's because it's hard to think of the future.
Maybe it's because ordinary is ordinary.
Maybe it's because I am blind.
Maybe it's because age helps to realize the unknowns.
Maybe it's because wisdom is fleeting in me.
Maybe it's because I started becoming a number
before I realized what it meant to be a number.
Maybe it's because maybe has filled my head,

but I'm still not sure about much at all.

shalom.

p.s.
Begin insomnia now...

I'm 68.34% okay.

now listening to: Barcelona

Hmmm...
I don't know.
I was in West Virginia. The mountains are rugged. The waterfalls are over-flowing. The trails are winding. The girl was beautiful.

Now I'm in Pittsburgh. The lights are brighter than the stars. The roads are ever-confusing. The girl is beautiful.

I'll be in Seneca, PA soon. My cat wears a t-shirt now.
Then I'll go to Anderson, IN. Friends are warm and close there.

My life is the people in it. I'm 68.34% okay with that. The other percentage is trying to get myself to quit complaining about where I'm located in life.
What's next?
I'm about 31.66% unsure, which is a lot when compared to one's life.

shalom.

birthdays, minor details, and hawaii

now listening to: Owen
the things to do on one's birthday.... especially when it's not your own.
i guess it wouldn't hurt if it was yours.

anyways, sometimes cats can be a nuisance.

i'm going to west virginia this week.
hiking. sleeping. eating. smiling. stuff like that to do.
but, they're all just minor details.

west virginia is great, i guess.
but, i can't stop thinking about what it would be like if we went to hawaii.

i think about where this is all going...
and i feel like it is fine right here,
i don't care where it goes.
because where it's going seems so far away,
which is weird to feel,
like something should be infinite.
life, love, hope, people, bugs.
they all die.
who am i to think differently?

shalom.

Without Ink

now watching: "Heima" by Sigur Ros (they put the whole thing on youtube today!)

Tired eyes set.
Setting sun blinks.
Lost mind wanders.
Wandering foot thinks.
Dry mouth brews.
Brewed coffee drinks.
Shading charcoal draws.
Drawing hand distincts.
Still life moves.
Moving life sinks.
Small ones grow.
Growing one shrinks.
And, all of this happens
without one drop
of ink.

shalom.

shalom shalom

Okay.
I think I was being a little dramatic,
depressed,
or something of the sort.

To be greedy and dissatisfied with what we have--
It is either the human condition
or the conditioning given to humans.
Were we born to be so over-zealous?
Were we trained to be so over-zealous?
The bushmen in Australia are content
with what they have
or don't have.
The rest of the world seems to be discontent
with what they have.
It makes them realize what they don't have.

I have a family.
I have a home to go to.
I have friends that care.
I have a beautiful girl in my life.
I have money.
I have a degree.
I have a heart.
I have a God.
I have a life.
I have enough.
I have more than enough.


I have...


shalom.

My life is like fill in the blank.

now listening to: MF DOOM

I don't like the fact that if I want to be great at something, because, honestly, I'm lazy. I won't lie. I thought about this because I tried drawing a picture and I just stopped because I suck. If I don't want to suck, I have to practice, practice, practice. Screw that.
----
a.d.d. moment- I got my tax return! niiiicccccceeee.....
----

I don't understand why I haven't been writing on this blog lately. I mean, I know why-- I don't have anything, that I feel is important, to write about. My life is like 'fill in the blank'. Not that I want you to fill it, but that's just what is like. The blank needs filled. It's not that my life is the worst, but it just needs filled- all the way to the top. Substantial, fulfilling, unregretful, something. I've thought about all the things I would want to do. I think it would be fun to write music... folk and hip-hop... not necessarily together. I think it would be fun to make art and see if some sucker (or highly educated and interesting person) would purchase them. I think it would be fun to make random things and sell them, like bags, clothes, furniture, etc.
What I don't enjoy is that these fun ideas wouldn't make me feel any better about life, so, therefore, I don't really want to put an importance to these things. They just fun.
---

yeah, i'm bored.
bye now.

shalom.