Missing Cat/ Missing Wife

I always think that people have motives.
Maybe it's because I don't know if I even have motives... for anything.
If I figure out there motives, maybe I can learn how to make my own?
I'm just getting older.
I'm thinking I'm getting a lot older than I actually am.

Umm.
*Sigh*

I don't have new thoughts. Well, I can't remember if I did have some recently.
Nowland, one of our cats, has been missing for a week.
We looked at the animal shelter, even.
My wife was gone for a week, as well.
She came back, though.
I thought I would have this great time on my own.
You know: "Guys night out!... Video games!... Beer!..."
Not really.
She's more a part of me than I am, at the moment.

shalom.

Again?

I'm still lost, still frustrated, still looking.  I googled "brainstorming techniques". A website suggested that I think of what my hero, mentor, etc. would do in my situation.

That's been my problem this whole time.
Ever since the debt and sickness, I've asked what Jesus would do.
And, honestly and sadly, I don't see Jesus ever being in my situation.

I know that's a whole can of worms.

I know deep down that I HAVE to be wrong. I have to feel hope for this life, this world, this man.
I'm so blinded to my own.

I notice I ask people to call me out if they care for me; tell me if I'm doing anything wrong.
I think I'm just scared to decide for myself.
I get on this computer every week, looking for someone to make a decision for me.
I leave empty handed.

I don't want this.
I want more.

Shalom.

p.s. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.