Snow, hair, and all things between

Well, as of recent developments: I dreadlocked my hair. I decided I'm gonna name each one after everyone that helped... So I will name half of one Emily, a couple Audrey, the tip of one Heath, and the rest will be named Ryan. It took soooo long, partially, because I did 90% of it myself. It's okay though. I still love yall that didn't help.

I came home last night. Our tire went flat and I changed it on the side of the highway in the crazy cold, windy weather... Geeze Oh Pete! We drove on a spare to the local mechanic, met two girls (Stacy and Jackie) and a mumbling mechanic helped me put the new one on as he sprinted swear words at any and everything. I think he was not stable, but, nevertheless, amusing. An hour and a half later we got on the road. Towards the end of the trip we got whited out with snow! I wish I had pictures because it was reeeeeeeediculous.

I'm home now. I slept all day. The doldrums of home make me very sad. I know that I do not want to live here. It is slow. It is uneventful.
Who am I to say that those are reasons though? Life. My is so unappreciated right now. Everywhere I am, I was wishing I was somewhere else. "We are blessed with the feedom of apathy"-- Shannon Stull. It is too easy to do nothing. I think the devil loves this liberation of the motivation.
Recently I've discovered a lot of facts about the AIDS epedemic. It's huge. People are starving. Huge. People don't know if they live tomorrow. Huge. People are hurting everywhere. Huge.
What can I do? I can't let the word "Huge" enter my mind, however hard that is. I can't let any doubt enter my mind. I must just take action. No matter how small, how defeated, how limited. It's a lot easier to visualize the end of the race once you pass the starting line. I must let the word "people" enter my mind, so then my love for a God who loves his people will begin to sprout from the limited understanding of a word called compassion.
Comassion- Not being numb. Not being angry. Being with. What does that look like exactly? I do not know. What does the very feeble attempt of a beggining of that look like? I do know that. It looks like someone going on the internet and learning more about suffering where one cannot see it usually. It struggling to take these knowledges and let others know. It is suggesting more actions and less "oh that's sad" comments. It is being unafraid to do and doing what i know is right.
It is stepping over the start line.


Shalom.

THIS IS FOR YOU.

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY FREE FROM ALL YOUR BURDENS.

CHRIST SAID SO.

DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT AND FOLLOW HIM, NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT.

SHALOM.

Learning;

Hey Hey Hey.
So, things. Things have been. Things have been going. Good? I would think so. Bad? I wouldn't think so much. But what evidence do I have to say, "not bad"? None. Oh well. I am trying to figure out how to, "Live a life following Christ," as simple and not confusing (which it isn't) as I would like to put it. Do I fail? Yes. A lot.
I learned something interesting today in class ( I know, class? Who learns stuff in that evil place?). I learned two things: 1. I say that I already knew something when someone tells me something I didn't know. Why do I do that? Because I don't want to be hurt/offended by someone calling me out. If I didn't know before, it makes me vulnerable, which means that whoever told me is smarter and better than me, blah, blah, blah. That's stupid. Smack. 2. Learning is an experience, which means you cannot learn by getting the easy answer (a.k.a. praying for God's will or figuring out the absolute truth for conversation's sake).
Life is hard. Smack.
If it wasn't we wouldn't learn as much. If it wasn't we wouldn't be living enough. I forget who said it, but the opposite of love is not hate; it's apathy (not caring; not doing). Smack.


Ouch... that's a slap in the face. But it feels good:)
Shalom.

11 months 7 days 2 hours 59 minutes 37 seconds

Now listening to: MewithoutYou

Okay, sO things are gOOd. I apOlOlgize fOr nOt telling all Of yOu ealier-- I gOt busy. I'm sOrry again.
What is going on in my life? I don't know.
That's weird, right, that I don't know what's going on or how I'm doing? Things have just been... blah. I don't know if it's even tangible enough to call it blah, cuz I'm not really depressed that much. I feel like I'm happy most of the time. I don't know why I'm happy. I feel like I am fooling myself. But, I should be happy, shouldn't I? God is absolutely amazing. He is doing things in me that I cannot even comprehend. I feel a river with the power of a waterfall moving in me (and, no, I do have to pee right now, but that's not what I'm talking about).
Things are good, because I am not in a third world country and I have medical care for me to rely on and because no matter how much money I don't have, I am still rich compared to those who live on less than I. I'm sorry this is not a "happy blog", but I don't want to be happy when a world of injustice and materialism surrounds me. I need to give my things to those who need them. I need to. I'm not saying you need to, unless you feel that way. I need to. I know it is right. I know I can only rely on God more by doing this. I don't need a Christmas list. I just need Christ, the man that is the answers to all the questions I'm asking.
In my brokeness I have no idea to what I am doing, but in my brokeness I feel where those cracks are. I cannot see them, but I feel them.
He asks me, "Do you want to be whole?" and I say, "yes." This does not feel good. It feels as if I don't have anything left to rely on, anything to say in mine, anything that I remember.
A voice beside me says, "Look".
I respond, "I don't see anything."
"When you see me, you will be finished."
Not know what that means, I just let the tar beat out of me to a point where I am just living at the minimal level.
"I will end this unless you want it."
"No, keep going."
"Okay," he smiles and goes to work again. "Just lean on me... Just lean on me... Just lean on me.."
"Okay." Hours, maybe even days go by before I wake.
"Do you see the world I want? One day it will be like..." And I listen, or try to listen, while he goes on about a world in which he is King. And, as he talks to me, I know. I am a part.
Shalom.