i have made friends with a modern-day pharisee.

his life is like a house.

built pretty for everyone to see.

his view on his own view is perfect,

yet he is hiding something.

deep down in the belly of his pretty little house,

the evil secrets of what his life actually is.



i wish i could tell him

to quit denying his words with his actions,

because he will turn away without listening...



Could one question actually have someone listen to it?

Could one question actually make someone think perspectively?

Could one question actually pierce through the eyes and light the heart on fire?

Could one question actually change a man's heart?



Dear Friend,

it is not your duty to find out if it is you,

but merely absorb my question:



Who are you trying to fool?

shalom.

i am a piece of crap. i don't do what i'm supposed to.

i am not depressed.
i am just being honest.
where's the balance of saying how much i need grace?
because i know i need grace more than i don't deserve.


i am detached.
not really from the world,
but from christians.
i feel like i can't relate, like i don't fit in the body of christ, that i see gathering in these buildings.

but when i'm working at a gas station in the middle of the night,
i know God is with me and i fit in-- i belong.
if this is true,
am i really a part of the body, or am i an sixth finger?-- still usable, just not cared for.

God has guided me thus far, and i am tired, honestly, but i must push on and believe that God can change the world through me and a gas station...

cuz if i don't, then i'm not living.


shalom.