sighed

well, i have experienced my first, paid vacation.
i did nothing big. i just went home. i missed my family.
i have spent 80% of this trip lying down-- either sleeping, or just lying there. i am not feeling good. a lot lately, but i'm working on getting help. it's just hard.
i want to snap my fingers and have all these troubles of our world vanish.
i really do not want to work in a gas station for many years.
i need to find a job where i can express my passion more to others.
it's very hard to find.
or, at least i think so.

okay, i shall go lay down again.
i come back to a-town tomorrow.
shalom.

side

i am turning into a very thin thing, i am.
my dreams cover half the day lately.
i don't want to sit. i don't want to stand. i don't want to walk.
i want to lie on my side for days.
i want to sew the lips shut on every person that asks me for something.
i want to be invested into, wanted, given love.

i can only give so much to those around me.
but i am sick.
very sick.
i need given back once and a little while.

i am going home soon.
i am happy.

shalom.

lightning

my life has become very simple lately.
the internet is a pool in the desert.
i stand behind a computer in a gas station,
offering deals, donuts, and products of convenience.

lately, i just watch.

kids who are probably on drugs.
adults who are probably on drugs.
people who spend frantically.
women who are crying.
men who are angry.
people who think they have to be hard,
who think they deserve every ounce of fear,
who talk of beat down the next person that comes along.

they are all so lonely.
i am lonely too.

i watched the news.
all the children were sick.

i sure am ready for all of this healing to come down,
like a bolt of lighting,
that burns our memories from our eyes,
and the pain from our hearts.

i probably won't talk again for awhile,
but i am still alive.
do not worry.

shalom.