Pizza Dreams

I never have considered myself a very creative person.
I am good at drawing, okay at painting, and decent at building things,
but not creative.
I have very creative dreams.
I need to start writing them down again.

And eating more pizza before I fall asleep.

Maybe that will kick start something.


I need to start picking up the guitar again and writing simple songs.
I try drawing, but I always start drawing things I'm looking at.
It's funny because if someone asked me to draw something specific, I could do it.
When it's an empty piece of paper and an empty mind, it is another feat.
I never went to art school, because I was never passionate about it.
Doing it all the time is hard work
I like learning everything, just enough where I'm good at it.
I don't know if that's because I want to be prepared to tell someone at any situation, "I know how to do that," or if it's because I get addicted to things rather easily.
The second I am interested in some certain hobby, that's all I talk about, that's all I do, and that's all I think about.


shalom.

p.s. I randomly decided to run 2 miles yesterday.
Timed myself: 15 minutes.
I impressed myself.

Sometimes I Write a Blog.

Sometimes I forget how funny I am.
ha ha.
not really.
Sometimes other people forget how funny I am.
And how humble I am.

Zach and Ali got married Saturday.
I had to give a best-man speech.
I can't think about it ahead of time. I can't write anything down. I get so nervous, nauseous, and self-destructive. Last time I wrote down a speech was in 2003 (and, the whole commute there, I debated crashing my car so that I would have an excuse not to get up in front of everyone. Ridiculous).
Now I just think of 2 or 3 thoughts and go with it.
I even caught myself thinking about what I would say about Zach and Ali and started hyper-ventilating. So, I stopped and waited for the microphone.
Everyone laughed the second I picked it up.

Sometimes I hate myself.
Way too much.
Then I hate myself for hating myself.

Sometimes I don't do anything.
Wait, I mean, sometimes I do something.
I usually do nothing.
I realize that I am capable of do anything I want.
I realize that I don't know what I want.
I want someone to make it easy and choose for me.
No matter what it was, I would be great.
But I don't choose for myself.
I just wait.
I let my surroundings, my friends, my job build who I am.

Sometimes , most times, I over think things.

Sometimes...
Shalom.