Originality Sparks

So, you ever feel like you're in this place that no one else is in??
Well, that's how I feel now... Let me explain.
I was talking to a co-worker about reading new books and how I have a gift certificate for Borders and how I have no idea what to get. This is why:

We are a dilluted version of what it means to follow Christ (the church as a whole is I believe).
We are a society doomed on effieciency. (so as to make things easier- such as knowledge of something).
We are reading so many more things, memorizing so many movies and such, but the Bible is left to it's lonesome.

I understand everyone is trying to help the situation by explaining their own version of what the Bible says and how important that that certain explanation is to know when living a life following Christ, but aren't there too many voices out there? I feel like the more we explain things we limit what is trying to be said. Here's a bad analogy to explain it better:
You have a glass of water. The water is the unclear explanation of the Bible.
Someone tries to explain it and show some of the truth in a tangible way, so he defines the water more by adding, let's say, a drop of cola.
That's fine, but when every one starts adding to the glass, it's going to become a dilluted, explainable, dirty, not valuable thing.

I don't know why I am getting fired up about this, but I feel like GOD WANTS A NEW, INNOVATIVE REVOLUTION OF CHRISTIANITY TO START, and that's gonna happen if we get what we are supposed to get from the Word, as directly as possible, instead of just intensifying all these reused emotions and values and beliefs that have already been established by someone eslse, some one trendy....
well, i got to go now, i want to talk more about this... i'm not sure what i think, honestly, fully about this subject... comment freely- it would be very helpful to me
shalom.

Estoy Llorando

So... I just watched a movie last night called "Invisible Children" ( www.invisiblechildren.com )... It's a documentary done by these three guys who go to Sudan to find more about the war going on over there, but find a much more interesting and sad story about these thousands of children who run for their lives every night so that the rebel armies will not abduct them, beat them, and brainwash them into killing others.
After I finished this movie I am so angry at myself and at other people who just waste money left and right to go to the movies, buy new clothes... trying to be more "comfortable"... then I feel dirty, I was almost about to throw up because I felt like I needed to wash myself from all the wrongdoings, ignorance, and arrogance within my life. Then I kept thinking about what I heard someone say a couple weeks earlier....

"The way to do what Jesus would do, is to look for things the way they shouldn't be and try to solve them"

And, sure enough, I found something that is the way it shouldn't be.
So, what can I do???
Of course I let all the size overflow my brain and fall into Satan's lies that "I can't do anything. It's too big of a problem." But, I forced myself past that. Then I came up with a list. A list to pray, to tell others of this problem, to talked to my school about the issue, to make art pieces, to raise money, to build this ideal, utopian kind of shelter, etc.
The fact is I just have to do something. And this is something for now. Is this all I will do? No. It can't be, because that won't solve what shouldn't be. If you read this, please go to the website. Please .tell somebody. Please give a crap enough to do something. I don't want to just sit on my fat butt and/or go out to the movie theater, out to eat, or buy a new whatever.

it's so sad the things we will do just to avoid guilt. It sickens me.

I pray that you don't do the same after reading this. I'm sick of our eyes and ears turning away to all this frickin' bullcrap that is going on! Pray that I Do Something Please! That I Buy less. Eat less. Give more.... more time... more money... more help... more awareness...

I probably have wasted my time writing this blog for the past 15 minutes, but I will hope that God will speak to you in some way and that you will start to break this disgusting, apathetic mold of what Christianity has become.

We do not need to be comfortable.
We do not need to be full.
We do not need to be clothed 50 times over.
We do not need to be entertained.
We do not need to "take a break".
We do not need to assume that someone else will do something about it.
We do not need to have extra anything.
We need to help and love others that have never seen help or love.

Shalom (which should not come to us until we follow the heart of God).

Estoy Comiendo en la Cafe de Victoria

My friend assures me it’s all or nothingI am not worried- I am not overly concernedMy friend implores me for one time only,Make an exception. I am not not worried.

So... I broke up with Audrey. Wow. You may say (and I may even say sometimes) that I am an idiot. But, hear me out. We were talking about it and she asked me, "how did you first come to this?" I and I proceeded to explain that one of the people that I work with here in Chicago was asking me why I was I with Audrey. The only reason I could really come up with is that she was too awesome of a Christian for me to leave her. My friend asked me if not having a reason to break up with her was reason enough to stay with her.

Wrap her up in a package of lies. Send her off to a coconut islandI am not worried - I am not overly concerned.With the status of my emotions.Oh, she says, were changing. But were always changingIt does not bother me to say this isn’t love.

My head started swirling after that. It was so hard, becausemy heart was not feeling calm with my choice of staying together, but I was so scared (which I didn't know that I was at first) because I was afraid of being alone. I was holding on to this awesome girl, who couldv'e met someone better than me, just for my own fears.

You try to tell your self the things you try tell your self to make yourself forget to make your self forget. I am not worried.

I suck.

Shalom.

"Good morning son... I am a bird..."

Life is rough. Right? But, if you ever think about it, someone else has it worse off then you. But, you've still got crap distracting you and taking up most of your thoughts, so what do you do? It sucks because I don't want it to bother me, because I want to focus on God more.
This summer internship has been crazy busy, I feel like whatever free time I get, I just use to sleep or just stress about these things in my life. Why am I so self-focused on my problems?
Not to mention the groups... Oh geeze, the groups...
They come in with their own agendas, not trying to being open to learning, being racist with their stereotypical remarks, and their rediculously ignorant leaders... Is it coincidence that I've had only two groups that I thought were good or am I bad at this job? It can't be all my fault- I've tried to open their eyes as much as I could... but, I guess only God can really do that.

I prayed this morning... Ya know-- "quiet time"... You know what I noticed? I was in the stinkin' woods and couldn't even get to somewhere where it was quiet! It was so rediculous. I ended up getting worse off than I was before... Then I thought about "alone time" with God and how I seem to suck at it. all I really seem to do is just talk to make myself feel better. Maybe that explains a lot of why I feel incomplete after those times.

The other hosts here are great to talk to (whether it be about funny or serious stuff). I love Chicago. the city is great, the people are great, etc.

well, I gots to get back to work... Shalom.

My 21 year old blabbles.

It has been sooo long since my last blog and I apologize for that. Things have been BUSY. Working with CSM (center for student missions) is awesome, but it's like I have no free time at all. BUT.. I love loving kids and loving God and showing kids how to love God more, so I can't complain.

How's my life been? ehhh...

Ya know?

I am so fickle about so many things, especially with my girlfriend. Poor thing. Audrey has to put up with so much of my craziness and stupidity. Then things are going away from here. My friend's bro took his life, my brother is getting kicked out of the house by my dad, one of my co-workers (who was very awesome) got fired (i'll miss ya dreadlocked head Jeremiah), and I'm super busy and can't go anywhere to see my friends and family. SO, COME VISIT ME ON A WEEKEND OR SOMETHING!

It's so hard to work with some of these groups. They have all these stereotypes and stupid comments. But the kids aren't so bad-- it's the leaders! They are so frustrating with their laziness and misleading comments.... Just have to hope and pray God will influence the kids more than the leaders.

The ministry sites we go to are awesome and it's great getting to know new people, work at soup kitchens, play with kids (none of them being white), and just love.

I miss all of you and pray that you are striving for that passionate relationship and lifestyle with God. It's so hard to do, but that's the beauty of doing the right thing-- It's not easy.

Love yall, it probably will be a while before I write again.

Shalom.

p.s. I have so much more to say.