i don't know...
off to babysit another house...


shalom.

William.

Pretty little kitty used to come by everyday.
Now he doesn't give the least bit of visiting.
We are out of cat food.

Screw you William.
You eat way too much anyways,
And you smell.
Thinking you're all cute with your fluffy tail,
Black coat, and white boots...

Yeah, you are.
Please come over to the porch.


shalom.

Tiny Little Alien in My Domain

I saw you walking.

You were minding your own business--
On a mission to transport goods back to the colony.
You were stuck in no-ant's land.
You had no idea.

I picked up a quarter.
I wanted to play--
No thought of anything else at the time.
I was bored.

Idol hands cause destruction.

Instructions of the devil's plans in our palms.

You died.
I cried.

Thinking of the metaphor,
Of us being gods to insects.

But realizing,
God would never do this.

shalom.

My Oh My Week

The past week has left me feeling...
important.
Not like I control the world,
but like I have a part in this world.

---

Can I say this without sounding like a dope?
Leah is a better friend then I ever hoped to imagine.
I was in Pennsylvania getting all the guys dressed for Heath's wedding,
and, for a second, I look up and see Leah.
She was supposed to be Indiana working at a theater.
I didn't even think about it.
I just waved, like she wasn't ever gone.
I am very weird.
She is amazing.
(Okay, that is all I'll put you through.)

---

My brother is now married. That is strange. And, I have a new sister.
My cat is losing weight.
My halo skills are improving.
My tan is getting darker.
My interview at Sycamore went very well. Pray for me.
My room is almost organized.
My friends are getting married this Saturday.
My guitar is going to be played in about 5 minutes.

---

My life is getting good.
You are so jealous.

shalom.

I have a new sister!

Things I learned from a wedding:
1. It's more fun when you know most people there.
2. Toast speeches are better improvised.
3. Being best man is actual work, not just a glorified groomsman.
4. Taking shots with you uncle is a must.
5. Hoisting a small child on your shoulders improves your chances of not catching a garter.
6. Dance!


shalom.

The Bachelor, The Organ, and The Chair

I went camping with Heath, L.J., and Corey last night.
It was Heath's "bachelor party".
I thought I didn't know them that well,
but I had one of the greatest nights in a long time.

----


My mom threw away my organ.
She threw away my chair.
It's times like these,
When I'm never prepared.

---

shalom.

The After-taste of "Godspell"

Now listening to: Pedro the Lion

I just saw a musical theater production.
I liked it.
It was based on the Book of Matthew from the Bible.
It made me think about two things:

1. What kind of seed am I?

One trampled on a trail?
Have I let the devil demolish my heart?
One surrounded by weeds?
Have I comforted myself with pride, bitterness, money, or material stuff?
One planted in rocks?
Have I faded from the passionate follower of Jesus that I was before?

I need transplanted somehow.
If only my desire for love would turn into action.

2. What makes an actor genuine?

I understand this sounds very critical, but I couldn't help but think this as I watched a play based upon the Gospel of Matthew. Do actors just act? I would say, "no," but I could be wrong. I just assumed that you participated in things you support. It has to be somewhat true because lots of people won't star in pornography, because they feel it's ethically wrong. Maybe I'm too much of an extremist, but I think that people should only act in something they believe in. I don't know. It comes to that whole thing about making money versus actually doing what you feel passionate about.

Sorry, I just realized I might be getting in something deeper than I can dig.
I'm just wondering if an actor chooses what he/she wants to star in, or just does whatever can get more experience under the belt or more money in the wallet.

Shalom.

Cops, Money, and the American Heart.

Now listening to: Wolf Parade

I am in Bloomfield.
Can I say that I don't like cops?
It's not even like I've been arrested.
And, It's not even like I'm a minority.
But, cops harass me 90% of the time I come in contact.
I imagine it could be the way I look,
but really I have no idea.
And, I don't really have any right to complain
when I'm not racially profiled as bad as most people of minority races are.
But, I just don't like cops.
I had a cop follow me last night for five minutes and three turns before pulling me over.
He said I was speeding.
I promise you, I had not been speeding.
That's just a sliver of the crap other human beings with different skin color have to deal with.
I understand that they have "good intentions",
but they also have to make money.
Money wins over the American heart.
So, it's not just the cops, the greyhound bus driver, the lady at the DMV, or the receptionist at the welfare office that are jerks.
We're jerks too.
We just get paid to be jerks about something else.
We don't have to.
We do, though, because we assume that we will not be able to pay our bills, buy our food, or rent a movie if we don't do exactly as they say.
It's not true.
But, we make ourselves believe it is so.

"It's getting old,
it goes on,
but it's old..."

shalom.

Getting Life Together/ Having Friends

It's weird coming back to the town where most of my friends are located
because I feel like I just want to be by myself.
I know that sounds bad.
I don't know why I am that way sometimes.
It might be because whenever it comes to getting my life together,
it seems like it's one of those things I have to do on my own.
(Which isn't right to say, but I had to leave Anderson before because I couldn't rely on my friends to keep me alive.)
And, I don't have them together yet, so maybe I'm just waiting until I can be a friend instead of someone who needs something from others (which I am, but it definitely feels better to pretend like I don't need charity).
I'm not saying I got sick because of my friends' carelessness.
It's not their fault. I didn't let them know enough about my condition.
I know I'm not correct for feeling this way,
but I'm just being honest to why I've been an absent friend.

I really do love my friends here.
But, I am weird.

hmmm...

yep.

shalom.

I like slushies, skateboarding, frisbee, and random walks.


shalom.

I hallucinated from a lack of sleep last night.
I saw a man standing in the middle of the highway.
Good thing he disappeared before I tried to swerve.
Because I would have been killed by a man I made up in my mind,
which I heard, "is never fun."


shalom.

Being Dropped.

Now listening to: D-Sides by Gorillaz

The first thing I can remember is seeing the sun for a split-second.
How beautiful it was, yet how much it hurt.

I can't really remember my birth.

Some believe we all came from the clouds.

Some say we came from others like us.
Some speculate that we existed before that;
In a world fully fluid and of limitless motion.

I don't really know what I think.
All I know is that we go through this life.

Some before you.
Some after.
Some by your side.

Then something happens.

Some name it, "death."
Some call it, "moving on."
Some don't speak of it.

My one friend said that he heard,
Through a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of his,
That when it's about to end,
A new reality reigns down.
Like you can see, hear, smell, and feel for the first time.

Some think that all blue and white disappear behind you,
And you see colors you've never seen.
Some say a deafening din surrounds your ears.
Some believe your body becomes heavy and crushes itself.
And,
At the last second,
You shatter into thousands of pieces.

I think there's something more;
That we are all gravitating to whatever it is.
Maybe it is a tangible place.
Maybe it is only in our minds.
Either way, it exists.

Maybe the only way we can get there,
Is by being dropped from the heavens,
And falling through this life.
Gaining momentum every second,
because our natural selves long for their home,
More and more the closer we get.
Then, with enough speed,
We shatter.
Loosing all of the things we don't need any more;
Sacrificing our whole selves,
For the greater good of a reality,
That we can't even witness in these few minutes of life.


shalom.

P.S. Ya get it?

It's about being a rain drop.

Away

I want to be somewhere.
A place without familiarity.
Without faces that look like faces I've seen before.
Lacking any location in my memory.
Only found on a map.
Utterly new and awkward.
Discomfort is comfort.

shalom.

What I Need

now listening to: Matisyahu

I need to see God in people more.

I need to stop staring at the wrong in others.

I need to see God in myself more.

I need to stop hating everything about me.

I need to pray more than not at all.

I need to speak up more when I know I'm right.

I need to show the importance of people more.

I need to find a way to drive to Indiana.

I need to show the unimportance of money more.

I need to stop being spoiled.

I need to tell people to be quiet more.

I need to be where I am more.

I need to start running.

I need to write a song.

I need to be hugged more.

I need love more than I'll ever know.

I need to hug more.

I need life more than I'll ever know.

I need to show how wretched hate is.

I need friends more than I'll ever know.

I need to show how wretched apathy is.

I need family more than I'll ever know.

I need to brush my teeth more.

I need God more than I'll ever know.

I need to make a phone call.

I need to stop focusing on what I need to do
and simply start living what I believe to be right.

I need...

shalom.

P.S. What do you need to do?