Poverty, Hope, Peace, and Love

Now listening to: Nas, Lupe Fiasco, Common, The Roots, and Kidz in the Hall

I can finally walk around and sit up in a chair. I got to go to my first restaurant in months last night. It was so amazing.
I'm still leaking, though. The whole keeps getting bigger. The pin-prick on my taint is now turn into a gaping whole that a pen or pencil could fit into. I hope it doesn't keep getting bigger.
Other than that, money.
I'm getting married to the most amazing woman in August. I just hope I'm able to work soon and that we can make enough money to start living without always borrow cars and what-not from friends. Plus, rent and loans need paying for. I always face the huge fear that many people do not understand. If I get a job that does not supply supreme insurance, I will get sick and could possibly die again.
Poor people have to make the decision of either working and paying bills while being extremely sick, or getting medicaid while not being able to pay rent or bills.
Some middle-class citizens try to tell me that poor being are the ones screwing up this system and they, "just need to get jobs, stop procreating, and keep their kids from being criminals."
Well, I'm poor. The system doesn't supply, doesn't create, doesn't fix, doesn't help. IT IS SIMPLY THERE. A conundrum of begging on your knees like a dog and being told, "If you try to do your own thing, we will abandon you the second you try."
I don't know what the answer is.
I know there is an answer.
I just am too blind of a sinner to see it at the moment.

Giving up on any hope, peace, and love is lazy and a bigger sin than we think. It's a sin that lets people die. It's a sin that puts people into slavery at cents an hour. It's a sin that sends us to covet our best friends and neighbors. It's a sin that sends us into a judgmental abyss. It's a sin that lies to us into thinking we're not that bad.
I'm not saying to make sure you see hope, peace, and love no matter what happens.
I'm saying to make sure you don't give up on trying to see these things.


Shalom.