w h e r e i a m .

Honestly,
am I separated from everything?
Because,
it feels that way whenever I look at my life.

I can barely remember how to "get back",
or what it even means to do so.
I know I need to start over.
Head to new point of perspective.
I believe I shouldn't look through my eyes anymore,
but how do you see new hope, new life, new faith,
without the eyes embedded in your face?

True repentance is true change.
God's hand is needed.
First I must find that hand.
My plan for "following Christ" has been set in stone
because of my stubborn mind,
but the tablet needs broken.
Blank prayers are thrown up.
Silence is horrifying.

Every person stumbles through a desert sometime.
Not everyone leaves.
May I not be the doubtful one to say,
"We have no idea what a different place looks like.
It may be dangerous.
It may be fake.
It may be desolate.
It may be worse.
So, I'll just stay in the desert
because this is the way it is
and the way it is what I know."
May I not be the cautious one,
who waits for the promised land to come,
who takes joy in living in misery,
who lies awake hating the desert I am in.
Rather,
Let me be the one who blindly follows
what seems to be whispers
into a journey that is unknown.
That is my prayer.

shalom.