Alive

Now listening to: John Butler

Something happened to turn this vacation stumbled itself into purposeful trip.
Was it the step I took? Did I change my own perspective?
Was it the fall I had? Did I realize how much of this life I have made has been crap?
Was it the ankle placed under me? Did my friends help me realize that I needed to change through their passion, love, and even their sadness?

My face hit the pavement.
I saw the ground approaching closer.
Yet, I just let go and fell.
I thought, "What's the point of fighting?"
Then,
I woke up the next morning with the pain still there,
But I also was prompted with the question:
"What was I expecting? A facial massage?"

I think a lot of us want to realize the pain we're in and want to feel bad for ourselves.
We don't want what's really at hand--
The fact that we are the ones with the huge imperfections.
We reach out and grab others, saying, "Look at what the world has done to me!!!"
We lift our hands and point, saying, "Why are they doing this to me?!?!"

I'm sick of being this kind of person.
I have no time to show everyone the speck in their eye,
while their is a two by four in my eye.

For the first time ever, I've realized that love is not about fixing.
It's about loving.
Why do I worry about the mistakes of others, when I don't face my own?
If I learn more about the ones around me, wouldn't I love them more instead of worrying about them not making mistakes?
Actions of others do tend to send messages.
But, that message is: "Please, Help Me."
It is not: "Please, make me feel like shit."

So, I'm sorry if I've ever "called" you out and it wasn't out of love,
but just an attack to make myself feel like I was a better person than you.
And, I'm sorry if I've just judged your actions without actually finding out what hurt and without trying to just be there for you.

shalom.