Breaking Up With Hairy

I can't believe...
you're actually thinking about this.
We have been friends for years.
I don't see what I did wrong. I make you look good.
Why don't you get rid of the real problem-
your ears?
I make you look manly and mature.
I help repulse high school girls,
And reduce the frequency of people calling you 'queer'.
Okay, maybe I've not been fully there,
Since I don't have the capability
of being a full-grown beard.
But, please don't do this.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Can't you see I'm being sincere?
No! No! No! Stop!
I beg you to at least re-think this with me
over an ice-cold beer.
You're really doing this?!? Whatever.
I don't want to see your face again.
Consider me out of your life. Disappeared.
I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry.
Just pull me out of the trash,
Get some glue and have me adhered--
Okay, you're right.
Yeah, I know it's too late for that,
but if you ever need me again, I'll be right here.
Under you skin,
waiting to hold up your chin,
and catch every, single tear.
Do me favor?
and tell mustache and the eye brows,
that this was mutual and we're...
we're still friends?
And that I'll come visit?
And that they have nothing to fear?
Have a nice life.
I'm sorry it had to be this way.
Enjoy you're new chin that's facial-hair clear.

p.s. You look like a girl now.
and you'll come running back to me
once you show all your peers.



Shalom.