Sitcom Moments and Realizations of One's Ambitions

Now listening to: In Rainbows by Radiohead
This album is scrumtrulescent. Did you know they were giving out free downloads of the c.d.? Well, they did, and now it's too late if you want it.
Anyways...

Ch. 1
I love sitcom-moments in actual life. Do you understand what I mean? Okay, it's those moments when something happens and it just seems like t.v. dejavu. It happened to me last night. I was just standing there, and my mom says, "You're gonna go, aren't you?"
At first, I was thinking, "Is she reading my mind?" But, I tried to bluff and said, "Where did that come from?"
"You just look like you're dressed to go somewhere."
"Oh. No, I'm just comfortable." That was a close one. I almost had to be honest about all the metaphorical bolts in my head that are screwing with my life.

Ch. 2
Last night I went outside and for some odd reason (besides it being close to Christmas) I thought, "What am I going to give people for Christmas?" The first person that came to mind was my brother, Heath, and his saying of how musicians look like bad-asses when they smoke a cigarette while jamming out. I thought of how I could take advantage of his interest in that, but then I just realized that I'm trying to impress him. Why? I could be wrong, but I'm close to sure that he already looks up to me. Then I started thinking about how all my motivation to "do things" with my life involves impressing people. Hahaha... what a low blow to myself. All this time I was simply trying to be famous and masking it with phrases like, "loving God", "loving people", and "changing the world."

Ambition is a misleading greed.

And for some reason, a line from the movie, Fight Club, came to mind:
"It's not until you lose everything, that you're free to do anything."
And, then I thought of Jesus saying something similar. I thought of how he would say to me what I would need to hear from him.
I thought he would want me to be free. I thought that he would take anything I asked him to, if it were to help me approach this freedom.
So, I asked him to take everything.
I didn't hear him say anything and I didn't feel him do anything, but I assume that was because of my limited humaness and faith, so I made myself believe that he took everything I asked him to take, because, deep down inside, I believe God is perfect and, since he is perfect, I think, he would've taken all that I offered to him.

shalom.