repent for the kingdom is near and at hand

Repenting is a lot harder than we think it is. Most of us believe(d) that repenting is just this 5 second interval where we put are hands together, close our eyes, and say/think, "God, i'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

Repenting, i found out later, is actually, "a changing of one's mind and actions." To actually change the way we are and the way we usually react to situations or people... it's revolutionary/simple/annoying/tiring. Especially, if the old way was to just let the problem fix itself. And it sucks when we don't know if anyone will ever even notice our small repentance, but, then again, we suppose that is not the point.

My example is my encounters with my sister. She is awesome, but we argue friviously. We are too much alike sometimes.

I hate that she hurts. I get so mad at the anger and sorrow in her, that i, in turn, just snap out in anger back, because that's the way i thought one fixes problems. It never helped. It never got better. So, i had to go outside and think about this. Maybe my way of fighting for her looks like fighting against her. Maybe my heart for her is not being told from my actions. Maybe i am wrong a lot. Maybe i need to step up and apologize to her. Maybe i need to speak up. Maybe i need to quit telling myself i'm loving her enough and start telling myself how much i could love her more.

The thoughts start swirling, and then...

BAM!
my head hurts.




shalom.

p.s. i got charged by a skunk last night as my epiphany to change occured.