decisions

oh, i started all over again,
where did i start,
where shall i end?

this could have all been so easy, to make the choices, that is. i could have either decided to do something or decided to do something else.
but what did i decide?
nothing.

it's weird sometimes, because i'll not recognize my own face. who have i become? have i been pretending to act like Jesus so long, that i forgot who i was, what i want, and how God wants to use me?

I feel like everything is color-faded, volume-depleted, and passion-lacked. that is my fault. i know that. so, i must do. simply do. simply do that one crazy feeling in my gut that says, "hey, run down the street," or "hey, go talk to that person," or "hey, make a pancake". Because denying that God could ever want to talk to me or use me is sure getting old. i have a purpose. i have strength. i have the stupidity to follow Jesus. i have no excuse to let my life become another number in the statistics. i'm sick of thinking, "if i don't change, i will die a miserable person."

it's funny because i thought working at a gas station had nothing to do with God, but little did i know...
- a kid comes in addicted to drugs asking me how Jesus can help him not waste his life away.
- a man tells me how he's praying for the right woman to help him raise his son.
- a girl begins to take a journey on how to realize that she is not defined by who likes her but how God sees her.

i don't know what my life will be when i die, but i do know that this moment, right now, is part of it.

and i have to decide,
to either point everything in my life towards Jesus,
or to fade away.

i don't want to fade away.

i want to live.

shalom.


p.s.