thank you

so, i was talking to a dear friend.
this friend said something about me.
i had never hear this something before.
the person said that i go around looking.
looking for someone to care
so that i may share my heart with them.
it's weird, because deep down i knew that.
but that's the first time i heard
i heard the truth about myself
it's weird, to think that someone might know
and that i don't know myself.

i broke down
i was already broke down
but that was the straw that broke
that broke this camel's back
to a point where i was on the ground
my face in the brown water
my hands stuck in the mud

my friend says, "i'm sorry."
but i can only say "thank you."
i couldn't pull myself up and neither could she.
the only way to get out was to die.
i told her to walk away
and there i lay
i lay staring, and i pray
"i die now and you take it from here
i die now and you just take it
i die now and please please just take it"
so weary, my eyelids fall into one another.
black
black
black
fade away from me now and let all i see be black

my eyes open and i can only ask,
"am i dead?"
yes. yes i am dead.
but this makes me so more alive.
a breath i don't undestand breathes in me.
a thought i don't comprehend moves me.
people in my life that i don't know, love me.
and that when my life begins.

shalom.