okay, so i can't fall asleep because something is bugging my mind.
Have you ever thought this: "why did i say that???!??"
that sucks. i can't take it back. it's there. it's my flaw forever. it's my cockiness. my know-it-all attitude. it's my evidence of whatever.
it's my chance that i blew to show my heart.
i got into a conversation about girls. i got kind of heated about the topic and ranted about how i don't want to date and how i don't like girls and how i don't blah blah blah.
all that i know is that the point i wanted to get across, did not get across. rather, i just sounded like a huge jerk that hates girls.
well i am a huge jerk, but i do not hate girls. i hate dating. only because of what it has become and because of how unatural it feels and because i feel like it's not part of what i am.
that does not mean i am right.
no, matter of fact, i'm am probably wrong. the fact is, i probably just don't know what "i am". i probably don't understand because i have never experienced it as an actual selfless act on my part.
me and my big, stupid mouth.
you ever get that thought like: "why do they think that?"
people compliment you and you're like "i don't see that." maybe i'm just way too self-critical, but i just want to respond to big compliments like, "your amazing," with, "if you only knew me for who i truely was... if you only knew me in my incompleteness, in my loneliness, in my lack of discipline, in my two-facedness, in times when i do things you don't think i do... if you only knew..."
i don't know where i'm going with this. i just know it's there. in my heart.
shalom (hopefully).
shalom (hopefully).
2 comments:
i think if people say you are amazing..they say that knowing that you are flawed and not perfect, but you gotta realize to that you are amazing in different ways....accept the good man. seeing your flaws is easy but seeing the beauty is much harder..learn to do that.
i agree with anonymous.
you're acting like you're the only one with deep dark secrets. everyone struggles and puts on their best faces and can find objections to every compliment, but when someone genuinely thinks highly of you, it's usually because they've seen the faces, and they see the pain behind, and they admire the way that you handle the struggles of life that we are all living. dont be so hard on yourself. hurtful words are quick to spew out. compliments dont come so easily. accept when people give them.
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