i storm out of the building, ignoring all the voices echoing my name in a straining/concerned manner.
Slam. A twist of the key and a push of the pedal sends me screeching out of the parking lot with no regrets in my mind and nothing but rage in my hands.
Squeak. The car come to the stop sign. i can only turn left or right. i cannot keep moving forward (at least in the sense i think of). i have to make a choice. do i go away or do i go towards? do i face the problem or face the open road?
suddenly rage spews out of me like an ancient volcanoe that has waited oh so long to destroy all that resembles beauty. noises so loud and vision so red.
thoughts battle each other like the war of the new world is being held at hand. Clash, bang, clank...
then silence.
Click, click, click... Right turn signal. towards the lights and gutters.
clear consience reveals the battle scars. it hurts. this physical state of crying, this emotional strain called trying, this spiritual peace of a thing called apologizing.
Apologizing sucks.
People think apologizing means saying, "I'm sorry... but..."
it's hard just to apologize and not say the but.
to just take that blame. not to try to make people share it with you.
it helps. it does.
it's funny that we don't realize that most of the time, the harder way is the right way.
it's funny that we don't realize how often this choices are given to be made.
it's the new year. everyone's hype is out of the roof. once this day is over. life is back to normal.
it's funny that we don't realize the choices we make and how they will affect eternity.
it's funny that we don't realize how taking the blame helps others more than just telling how people need to fix themselves.
shalom.
3 comments:
im at a point of no return, which way will i turn, which way will i go. i dont know who i am anymore..making decisions that arent me, a mask, or is it me?
empty tunnels is all i see, but im supposed to know that light will be waiting for me..
you are not alone.
you are more at home than you will ever know. at a place where a thing called "learning" is happening, but the end is not seemed to be anything like that. keep believing, keep praying, for satan would very much want you to quit doing that. keep thinking of what it means to believe, but also keep doing what you've been told love is and do it to find out what it means to believe in that way.
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