It has been a while since I wrote. (My bad)
I wish things were going on. Actually, more things are probably going on (in my head) than I know. I hope you know what I mean or else I am slightly (yes, only slightly) crazy. School. The word used to make me shiver with disgust, but now it makes me reminisce and regret and realize that I am almost out of this place that is killing my pocket.
How is my life? So, good because God is good, but on the other hand... so sucky and I wish I knew why. I do not want to lie to anyone and pretend it is going good, becuase that is not the truth. "Death comes from the lack of truth." Whether that be death to the body or death to the faith or anything else-- it happens.
I don't know why it's so hard for me to be honest about this kind of thing.
I cringe whenI see someone (not all) I know because I know that the question, "How are you?" is very near. My mouth automatically says, "good... alright... fine," but it is not. It is not. Why don't I just tell them? Good question. Maybe it is that I feel some people don't actually want to know but are just trying to shoot the breeze. I despise that phrase-- "shoot the breeze". I want to shoot the breeze alright; shoot it right down, bang, so it screams and bleeds and realizes that it's purpose was never a purpose at all.
Time. We all are so busy. I understand that. If I don't have the time, don't ask them. Just say, "Hello," or, "I want to talk later about how's it going." This is a hard request, because I know I am one to ask such questions unconsciously and uncaringly.
But, I shouldn't put them in a predicament where they have to keep turning the daggers in their stomachs so that my guilt trip may be resolved.
Shalom.
Time. We all are so busy. I understand that. If I don't have the time, don't ask them. Just say, "Hello," or, "I want to talk later about how's it going." This is a hard request, because I know I am one to ask such questions unconsciously and uncaringly.
But, I shouldn't put them in a predicament where they have to keep turning the daggers in their stomachs so that my guilt trip may be resolved.
Shalom.
3 comments:
Where's hope? Where's light? Where is the solution- or is there no solution? What is the cause of this dark cloak that seems to hang on us? Because somehow it seems that if we know the cause it will lead us to the solution. What must change? And is this dark cloak something we've put on ourselves and somehow our own fault? Should we feel guilty for how we are feeling because we're the cause of it?
I hate the feeling. Yet, after all is said and done and every last thought is chewed over and spit-out, we still know... Jesus is our hope. (Or at least i hope so)
ok..here it goes...i DARE YOU to write a post about something positive..something random. thats it. will you take the dare..or no..we will see.
I understand... you know i do... sometimes it just feels easier to say fine.. good.. great.. but take a chance. Idid. someone asked how i was and i just murmered eh.. not so good as the person walked past and she whipped around and hugged me and showed me the compassion i needed.. GOd rewarded me. and enev after just those small words.. and that hug i felt peace and best of all i felt blessed.
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