"feel bad for Ryan" blog

Now Listening to: The buzzing drone of the air condtioner

Wow. It has been awhile, yet I have only been back at school for a week. "Re-entry" is a word that would probably best describe all the stuff that is going on in my life at this point, even though it is a word that I despise and loath. The reason I hate the word is that it has this movement that is assosiated with it. The movement is one of numbness, of just suppressing these passionate feelings of what justice is supposed to look like. But, nevertheless, I am going through "re-entry" emotions and whatnot. It's like I'm just numb and alone, you know? I hear Christians use the word "phase", and that would definitely fit if it hadn't be a feeling going on for so long...
H
E
L
P
It's something that I don't ever want and I don't really ever understand why, but every time I have the chance to use it, I kiss my oppurtunity bye-bye. I say "I'm not prideful. I'm pretty humble." The fact that I don't ever accept help with things or open up my real heart, is the opposite evidence of that.

Living in the Mecry House building (it's a church building about a mile and a half away from campus) is quite an experience. I won't lie (as my friend Ashley would say) it gets really lonely in there. I'm by myself all the time and I don't have a cell phone, car, I-pod, cable television, so I have a lot of free time. I feel bad for the other 8 guys living there with me, because I'm in this weird mood and it's really hard to connect with them, but I am the "new guy", so I guess it will improve over time.
I was sitting on the jungle gym last night, just kind of being depressed and lonely, and a random, older, black man approached me and asked for a couple bucks for gas and said, "Whadya up to?... Look like like ya sittin' all by yahself like you got no friends or something." Well, he didn't help.
I don't know where I'm going with this blog, so I'll deem it as the "feel bad for Ryan" blog and stop writing.
Shalom.