Contributing to the Greatest Thing in the World.

well, things are definitely falling in that cycle again.
I hate when this happens. I think about way too much stuff and it gets to me, then I overload, my brain sizzles like a toaster, and then nothing. "What is wrong with me?" is the first question in my mind, but then I realize, everybody probably goes through the same petty problems, so nothing is really wrong with me in that sense. The next question that shoves its way through my brain is, "How are you going to be a leader in the body of Christ?" Which makes me think and fear a lot. I look to my left and to my right as I sit in my ministry classes and can audibly tell that I am way inadequate in my basic relationship with God. I feel so distant, but I know that God has better plans, but I just want to feel normal, ya know? It's nothing that I really think I need advice on, but it is a problem that I don't like. BLAH.

I would like to say that there are much more important things going on in my life, but, sadly, I feel like I waste so much time doing nothing important. Lazyiness. I hate the word. I hate it so much because it describes myself and I don't want it to.
I hear people say, "I wish God would just tell me exactlly what to do," or, "I wish I didn't have a choice... that I would just do what was right."
I dislike those sayings so much (even though I think them many times) because the greatest thing in the world isn't easy. And, for me, I am a constant reminder of that, because when it is easy, that means I'm being lazy, which means that I'm not caring enought, which means that I'm not taking advantage of the greatest thing I could ever know.
When I accepted Christ into my life, my heart, etc. it may have been free in a sense, but it is not free when I realize the responsibility I have as a true believer in Him.
"Do something.
Do something.
DO SOMETHING!"
is something I have to keep repeating to myself. My immediate response is to think, "well, what do I do?" NO. Don't think. Just do something. You know in your heart what is wrong and right- what is God-glorifying and what is not. Now, I understand that this may not work for everyone, but, for me, this is what I have to do, and I know that I'm not feeling a reason to type this just because I need to vent, but that I deeply feel that some of you go through the same thing.
Community.
A word that I feel is being misused (not in a definition sense, but in a life-application sense). I'm going to class with all these people that are studying the same things as me and have so many different gifts and talents, yet everyone seems to have the, " F you, I'm out" attitude. Shouldn't we use each other as resources? Shouldn't we put effort in to the places we are now and with the people we are with now? I don't know, but it just seems to me like we are shooting away all these premier chances to change the world for the glory of our awesome God.
Phew. I'm gonna go ride my bike home (which is becoming a huge pain in the butt, but, hey, the right thing is not the easy thing, right?).
Shalom.