Blasted Broken Computer!!!

Now listening to: Sea Change by Beck

Okay, so it's been a month almost since i have written in this thing. i'm sorry to those of you that enjoy this (which is probably just me). i'm writing this blog in the library computer lab, because my computer will not turn on! What the heck!?! This just adds to the list of financial crap that i have to (and can't) pay for. i owed 400 bucks for taxes-- What in the world!
i would like to say i don't deserve this, but i do. Not being smart, i went to France for Spring Break because i thought i had saved up 400 extra dollars some how-- i am an idiot.
Anyways, i had some sweet things to write about this month, but like everything else that's important, i forgot what i was thinking about.
Had focus group Thursday night... Got to verbalize my stuff... And i realized that i'm in one of these moods where i don't know if i can think and can't think even more if i try to think... that's depressing. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL?

Complacency.

It's the best way i can describe why i might possibly feel this way.

Why has this happened?
Well, here's my formula (i think).

Take one passionate, compassionate heart.

Add a pinch of depression.

Add a handful of comfortability.

Put in a pound of cultural influence saying it's okay to have more and more.

Throw in some pain (physical, emotional-- whichever not preferred).

Dash it with confusion.

Put in a little more pain.

Now, just stir it all together until you get this mess.

Bon Appetit!

Have i been too focused on following God's will?? Have i been waiting and asking too much??

God is all i need... then why do i just feel like this shell of a being?... as if i'm just looking at a picture of what is in front of me and all noise has turned into faint silence...

i am not normal. Right? The only way i can find out is if someone tells me.

This journal is the window to my mind and heart. You can look out the window, but you cannot ever fully enter, for if you do you will fall... And it will hurt and you will be lost more than before. So, for now, you may try to make sense of the mess past the glass while you sip your beverage of choice and wait for the allignment of those...

Shalom.