The Bee Keeper is Back

Now listening to: The drone of my boredom...

Wow, it's been 2 weeks since I've wrote in this blasted thing...
It's been hard, cuz I have been thinking, but just about very personal stuff... Well, not personal like the stuff I have been sharing all along, but personal like I would not want to talk about certain people and hurt their feelings or make them think certain things about me just cuz I'm really bad at expressing myself... ya know what I mean?

Expression. We can't live with out it. We all use it so differently. Some people just talk to each other and are satisfied with the level of profficiency of their communication.
I am not one of those people. You can't "just talk" to another person, even if they say they just want you to say what you're thinking. Cuz in all honesty, what you're thinking probably doesn't make sense and may scare the jeepers out of them (yes, i said jeepers).
Expression. We have to have it. Why is that? Why do we almost explode when we can't express ourselves? Always expressing. Talking, screaming, crying, painting, singing, playing, running, praying, ignoring, delaying... expressing...
And we can only assume we understand someone else's expression, but rarely do we, because we instantly guess the meaning.
I wish I was better at expressing... I would probably wouldn't be so jerk-looking and probably wouldn't hurt people as much or frustrate them.

Chapter Eight of My Most Memorable Moments

Skateboarding. I probably only started doing it because my uncle had started doing it, but the fact was that I thought it was really cool. Boy, did I suck at it... and still do. It's funny how much time I put into it and just really never got that much better. It's probably cuz I'm a wuss... I probably wouldn't ever gone pro if I tried, but it doesn't help when your father kills your hopes and dreams by saying, "Ryan, you're never gonna become great at skateboarding." I may not have, you know, but you just don't kill someone's heart like that. I loved skateboarding. I felt closer to God when I did it. I felt honest. If I messed up on a trick, I could just take that inanimate skateboard and throw it as hard as I could and just flip out. Was I really mad at the board? No. I was mad at life, but this helped hide that fact.
I remembering dreaming about skateboarding all my life...
When I got to college though, time sorta just got shifted...
I still have the bugger... maybe I should take off and live like I want, and not like everyone is telling me to live like...
Shalom.