Dear Mom,

Now listening to: Randy Zwitch

"I never know just what to say... When to look... And when to turn away..."

"And make sure that Beauty is not only skin deep..."

Lately I haven't been able to think. At all............. How does that happen? I don't know.
But I was talking to a pretty girl about it and came to the conclusion, that it's a lot easier to think when you don't try to do it.... So I did that and whuhlah!
I have thoughts. Here they are:

I don't deserve it. You don't deserve it.

LOVE.

No matter where it's from.

True love-- the real love-- is undeserved.

This applies in two major senarios:

1. Love from God.

2. Love from somebody else or love to somebody else.

#1. God loves us entirely. Just as we are. He loves us more than we know.

#2. A true act of love is reasonless and not wanting any rewards.

WHAT IS MY LIFE? All my life, I have not figured it out. I call myself a Christian, yet, again, I am the problem. I have not loved correctly. I have not gone across the right way of receiving love. Here's how I came about learning this....

I'm talking to my Mom and she says she's gonna give me money to help me with paying back my taxes that I owe (which is a lot). I tell her she doesn't have to do it, but I don't tell her I don't need it, because that would be a lie. I started crying. It was so hard to accept that much money. You know why?? I DIDN'T DESERVE IT. My Mom would give me anything if I asked for it, even if she doesn't have much. More than anyone I know, she has shown me real love. I've heard about it so many times. About grace and love and whatnot, but right now I understand it more than I ever have. I have received something that I cannot payback. This may sound so simple to you, but when you experience it in a firsthand situation, you will understand more than ever.

I am totally broken and imperfect. I'm more messed up than you'll ever understand. I have nothing to give, except a responding love to God and a selfless love to my people.

Here I am... All of me...

I always ask, "DON'T YOU GET IT?" but maybe I should ask myself the same question.

God is love.

DO I GET IT?

"sometimes I wish for something more than this."

shalom.