Listening to: Control by Pedro the Lion

Well, I think I'm a dweeb. I'm like the only person who keeps my blog constantly updated. I would stop writing, but a lot of the time I'm doing it for my own good.
Again, I am up way too late typing one of these things again, but it must be done. The funny thing is, I have a Spanish paper (haven't started yet) and a sociology test to study for, but, nevertheless, here I am to show you a little more of myself.
Tonight I went to Matt Conner's (the pastor of Mercy House) house and a bunch of us had a time just to break down before God. I'll admit, it was something I didn't want to do (the whole, outward worship thing). What I have been going through, was not going to be fixed by this ritzie worship time. None the less, I just tried to give God what I had. Then, it happened. Exactly what I didn't want to happen in front of others. I broke down hard. And I needed mended. All these people were singing about great lives and being totally devoted to God. BUT I COULDN'T LIE and sing along. I felt like crap, actually worse-- like God was never going to stop punishing me. And, so I prayed. I used all of my heart, not just the good stuff, but the stuff that was killing me. Before long, burdens were lifted. I don't know why, but it happened. Things then began to stick out to me about movement with God. Like Exodus 3 and 4, where God speaks to Moses. God calls Moses, who thinks he is unworthy of such a mission. Then John 3 where it's talked about how we're supposed to move like the wind. I agree, but maybe it's like this for me right now: Sometimes God gives us wind that we can soar upon like eagles, But sometimes God gives us a breeze that can only move our hearts.
And that's totally me right now. I'm on top of this mountain screaming, "I'm Ready," and I'm jumping in the air, but no breeze is there. The saying, "right here, right now," makes me grit my teeth, but I know that if I do not act now, the future of my life for God will never exist.

Sacrifice is not pretty. It will kill and destroy you-- taking everything that you thought you needed and stripping all away, and then some, until all you have is nothing. "Congratulations. You've hit bottom." All you can do is let God build you now. You are formed a new man.
Shalom.